MY
TESTIMONY
FORGIVEN*
I pounded away at this thing called Life,
Doing the best I knew how,
I pounded with all of my heart and
strength,
But with Jesus not really at the
brow.
It was me, just doing my own thing;
This is what nailed Him to the
tree;
It was me in fear, and pain, and
agony;
This is how He found me.
Mentally, emotionally, physically,
financially,
Exhausted I became,
And my precious family--I hurt
them--
All in Jesus' name.
But Jesus, in the Love who He is,
Found me crumpled and broken
and crying
at His feet,
Desperate, alone, helpless, and
hurting,
Dying in total defeat.
The very One, in whom I drove the nails,
Embraced me, and healed me, and
lifted me,
And took all my sins away--
He set me completely free.
"Lord Jesus, take over my
life."
The very words to Him I did say;
And most graciously by His Word and
Spirit,
He offered His rule each day.
Such love! To give Himself to me!
Me--the one who nailed Him to the
tree!
To me He gave a whole new life!
In love--
To forever end all strife!
Of Him, I will never be ashamed.
To Him, I will ever be thankful.
May this Thanksgiving be the best
ever,
and
forever--for all--
Through the forgiveness of Jesus
Christ.
Lord Jesus, to you I give my all.
Written before Thanksgiving 1995
by Jackie Calhoun to my family.
*Painting "Forgiven" by Thomas Blackshear II
available at Christian bookstores.
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME
At about the age of 11, I walked a church isle, said yes to all the questions, and was baptized. I remember my friend telling people at school that "Jackie got saved." That's about all I remember about it.
At age 14, one night while saying my prayers in my bedroom before I went to sleep, I began to realize that my prayers were not getting above the ceiling. I argued within my own heart, "But I am saved. I was baptized. I go to church." But as the realization grew, I began crying into my pillow. In time, that night, I came to realize that I didn't really have a relationship with Jesus, and that He died for me in payment for my sins to make me one with Him. In Him, I found peace.
At that same time I realized that there is a river of God, and that you can stand ankle deep, knee deep, loin deep, or, it was a river that could not be passed over--you would have to dive in and swim. I also realized that if you go all the way, you will suffer persecution for His name's sake. Nevertheless, my prayer was, "Lord Jesus, let me dive in and swim on your grace." I made a total commitment to the Lord in the privacy of my bedroom that night.
From that time on I developed a tremendous thirst for the Word of God. I read the Bible all the time. I had a tremendous desire to share Jesus with everybody. And I did.
My commitment to the Lord stayed strong into college. I was a bold witness of the Lord. While going to Henderson State University, and also taking classes at Ouachita Baptist University, two friends and I heard about some meetings going on in Little Rock. We went up there wanting all that God had for us. We were not disappointed. Hands were laid on me and I began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave utterance.
Because of a lack of teaching, I did not know how to move in the power of the Spirit as I should. Over a period of years I got away from the Lord and into the world.
I made about every mistake in the Book. The one main thing was, that I was just doing my own thing, simply living my life apart from God. I was like a jet fighter just flying around with no instruments and with no radio contact with the tower. Sooner or later there's bound to be a crash. And crash, I did. It took some years to crash, but I did.
To my family I must say that I am truly sorry that I lived those years apart from God's Lordship and direction. I am sorry that I hurt and disappointed you.
It was in the realization that I had really messed my life up that I turned to the Lord with all my heart. I got back into the Word. From the Word, in 2 Tim.1.6, I was taken back to the experience of being filled with the Spirit with the gift of tongues. So I stirred that gift up and started praying without ceasing with my prayer language. From this, I started sharing Jesus with others again, having a realization that without Jesus, all people are headed for hell. My desire was just to do all the will of God in my life, and for others to come to know Jesus Christ.
I am truly thankful for the healing love of Jesus Christ through which we can now live in peace and harmony and true joy.
I have continued to turn to the Lord for His direction and for His will to be done in my life. I still desire for every person to know Jesus in the fulness of His love and blessing. From this desire, shared mutually with my wife, Becky, Paradise Christian Ministries internet ministry, and our traveling teaching ministry, was born.
Our desire is simply that all people experience that love of God that takes all our sins and guilt away and brings healing each day. God's desire is that we all be one in Christ Jesus the King. In Him is true peace both now and forever. I love Him with all my heart.
May God's richest blessings rest upon you all in every way.